Lyrics to the Duke and Duchess



DUKE.            To help unhappy taxpayers and add to their enjoyment,
Gives me the opportunity for prosperous employment;
DUCH.           To all my skills with music scores, much time have I devoted;
I love to lead a chorus tune, I’m sure you’ve duly noted.


DUKE.            Deductions and rebates
                        And minimum probates
                        I get – and my clients are delighted –

DUCH.           They’re highly delighted!

DUKE.            I find in our tax code
            Loopholes by the armload,
                        I’m sure they will soon get me knighted –

DUCH.           He soon will be knighted.

DUKE.            Mathematical playing
            I find very paying:
                        It adds a large sum to my makings –

DUCH.           Large sum to his makings.

DUKE.            My professional skill set
            Ensures that I will get
                        At least ten per cent on the takings.

DUCH.           One-tenth of the takings.

DUCH.           I’m known as a person
                        Who waves a white baton
                        That calls all musicians to follow –

DUKE.            Musicians to follow.

DUCH.           And whether they’re voicing
                        Their pain or rejoicing,
                        I don’t let their talents lie fallow –

DUKE.            They never lie fallow!

DUCH.           My talents, I got them
            At Hopewell I taught them
                        My kids could all play a toccata –

DUKE.            All play a toccata.

DUCH.           For my erudition
The school’s new addition
            Should carry the name Woyiwada –

DUKE.            It certainly oughta!


DUKE.            I gather great plaudits
            When from nasty audits
                        I save all my clients the trouble –

DUCH.           He saves them the trouble.

DUKE.            They’re pleased with the outcome
            On their final income
                        And thank me by paying me double –

DUCH.           They do pay him double!

DUKE.            I go through my paces
            In Iron Man races
                        Along the whole course I go prancing –

DUCH.           You should see him prancing!

DUKE.            On land and water
            I do what I oughter
                        To hold back my old age advancing –

DUCH.           His age is advancing!

DUCH.           At Savoy, no fiction,
            I always stressed diction
                        As singer or maestra, no matter –

DUKE.            Oh no, ᾽twas no matter.

DUCH.           Quartet or trio,
            I led them with brio –
                        But needed a man to do patter –

DUKE.            A man to do patter!

DUCH.           My baton was swinging
            With all the cast singing –
                        I knew I was reaching my mission –

DUKE.            So close to her mission!

DUCH.           To light up all stages
            With shows for the ages,
                        And so make a lasting impression –

DUKE.            An awesome impression!


DUKE.            We’re ready, together,
            To face heavy weather
                        Through hell and high water we’re sailing –

DUCH.           Sometimes it’s rough sailing.

DUCH.           Through lightning and thunder
We stand here in wonder
                        At those who our boat are a-bailing –

DUKE.            Yes, everyone’s bailing!

BOTH.                        In short, we’re a twosome
                        But not really lonesome,
                        Because we are gently surrounded,
                        Yes, gently surrounded –
                        By friends and by family,
                        Who hold our hands firmly

DUCH.           And keep us in their arms a-bounded –

BOTH.                        By love we’re surrounded!